Some decisions are taken in the rush of love and only later turn into life’s deepest lessons. That, in essence, is the story actress Poonam Dhillon shared years after her marriage ended. Speaking openly about the relationship that fell apart and about her ex-husband Ashok Thakeria, she was unambiguous on one point— Ashok is a genuinely good man, and even today she cannot say a single wrong thing about him. Yet she also acknowledged a truth many people grasp too late: being a good person does not automatically make someone a good life partner.
‘Love alone doesn’t keep a marriage going’
Poonam revealed that hers was a love marriage. At the time she had little life experience, and caught up in love she was convinced she had made exactly the right choice. Reality after the wedding told a different story. She came to understand that love by itself is not enough to sustain a relationship— the way two people think, how they were raised, their values and their ability to understand each other matter just as much.
What she said about ex-husband Ashok
Speaking about her former husband, Poonam said, ‘My husband Ashok is a very good person. Even today I will not say anything bad about him, because he really is a good person, but it is not necessary that two good people will always prove to be a good life partner.’ She added, ‘A marriage does not run simply because two good people are together. Many things like upbringing, thinking, education and life values need to match. When these things do not match, married life becomes difficult.’
Recalling how the marriage came about, she said, ‘I did not have much experience of life. Ashok ji persuaded me for a long time. He was a good person, so I felt this was the right decision. At that time I had no idea how challenging the life ahead would be.’
Revelations on Rajiv Khandelwal’s show
The actress made these candid remarks during a conversation on Rajiv Khandelwal’s show ‘Tum Ho Na’, where she also opened up about her struggles and her childhood. On the show, Rajiv told her, ‘It seems as if all girls should be inspired by you. But whenever a public figure comes here, I try to make sure that people at least understand that we are all human. We too have challenges, and sometimes perhaps bigger challenges, because we live in the public spotlight.’
The loneliness of being a celebrity
Poonam responded by explaining the peculiar isolation of a famous face. ‘When you are a celebrity or a public figure and you work from Monday to Friday or Monday to Sunday, you get very few chances to meet people,’ she said. ‘Half the people look at you and think this person is out of my league, and the other half think film stars are just like this. In both situations a separate image of you forms.’
She illustrated it with her own life: ‘The same thing happened in my case. We could meet very few people. My parents were very strict. I was not allowed to meet or date people of my own age. Even after becoming an actor, other actors did not consider me a friend. If a group made a plan to watch a movie, I would be told— no, you are not allowed to go.’
A message for today’s parents
Poonam’s view on strict parenting is nuanced— she does not dismiss it entirely, but offers a warning. ‘I feel strict upbringing is good, but today I would tell parents to give children a little chance,’ she said. ‘Give them the opportunity to fly and learn new things, so that they can learn to make the right decisions. If we keep them overly protected, their outlook will remain limited.’ She admitted that her own life had stayed confined to work and home. Her belief is that giving children the freedom to take their own decisions and understand the world is just as important as keeping them safe.
